Countdown to 2006

My god, what a year this has been for me. If someone had told me that I would be worlds different (physically and mentally) than where I was last year, I'd have laughed at them. If someone had told me that in just 7 short weeks I'd be a parent, I would have laughed so hard my lungs would have exploded. If I had been told I would be over-the-moon deliriously happy, I'd have asked for the same drugs they were on.

In short, this past year has literally been THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE.

On the 26th of December last year, I broke away from a very unhealthy relationship that had been dragging on for close to 10 years. The last 5 of those years were spent trying to exist day to day without upsetting a very delicate balance in the house I lived in. That "relationship", while tumultuous at best, added up to a collective 5 years as us being an actual couple, while the remaining 5 years saw us as simply roommates - roommates who did not work well together.

We had some good times in those 10 years we shared. Sometimes the "good days" spanned a week or two, but mostly they were just brief glimpses of what should have been.

I tried so hard to make it work, to give him what he wanted, to show him the affection he deserved. At the time I thought maybe something was wrong with me, that I hated men (due to my Father - an entirely different post) and wasn't able to give or receive love freely. As it turns out, that's not quite the case, and it was only because I did not love him, that I could not give him the things he wanted from me.

It was a very hard, bordering on traumatic, breakup; not only because I knew for the remaining month I was there that he would make life very difficult, but because I had shared ten years of my life with this man and despite everything going on inside of me, he was familiar. The whole scenario was familiar. Part of me did not want to let it go and say goodbye; not just because of him, but because I knew I'd be coming back to Australia, and leaving my American life - all of my friends and workmates, and everything that had been my home for so long - behind. I almost couldn't do it.

But I did. And it was only out of one solid friendship from someone who lived in another country, that I managed to hang onto the very last shred of hope I had, the very last piece of strength that was in my body, to actually get up and walk away. He kept me strong, he kept me sane and he kept me focused. Without him, I know I would not have come through it all as well as I did.

"Come and see me before you go," he said. "I'll pay for your flight."

Of course, I didn't let him pay for the flight, but I did go and see him. It was all pre-arranged, our meeting; he was going to pick me up at Toronto International airport, and I'd spend a week with him: a glorious week of having nothing but lots of alcohol and lots of sex. That was the plan. He was going to show me around his amazingly beautiful city, take me out clubbing and dancing and basically try and cram in so many years of fun in one week. We had agreed that because I'd just gotten out of a relationship (at least physically, I'd mentally left it years prior) that nothing else would take place. There would be no talk of deep love or commitment. I wanted time to myself, to reconnect and find myself again.

As it turns out, I was never lost to begin with. I was always there - stifled for so long, but there. And while I flew to Canada for a rather expensive booty-call, things did not turn out quite the way we had intended.

My one week stay turned into three months. He knew within 2 weeks of me being there that he was in love with me, and wanted to marry me. In that 2 week period, I was still mourning the loss of a ten year situation, not ready for anything else, and fighting the feelings I had that were very quickly building up inside of me. I knew he was The One, my eternal love, my soulmate. And the internal fight hastened; It's too soon, You need time to recover, You don't want him being your rebound guy...

As the days progressed, we found more and more that we had so much in common, that we could reach each others minds, that we knew instinctively that this was right. Finally, I gave up the fight with myself, and realized the only reason I was fighting it so much was because of how other people would see it, how they would react, what they would think. And then I distinctly remember thinking, Fuck it. We only live once and I'm going for it. Right or wrong, I'm going for it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have never looked back. I have never regretted my decision. I have never had the thought of, "Shit, it was far too soon." I've never thought about cheating on him and I've not so much as looked at another guy and thought, "Oh yeah baby, if I were single..."

Come January 28th, D and I will have been together for an entire year, even though we have known each other for going on six years total. He is the love of my life, the light of my life and the strength, hope and courage I hold close to me every single day of my life. While I know I can breathe without him, I don't want to. I cannot begin to describe the overwhelming happiness he brings out in me, or the rich, powerful love he makes me feel.

For the longest time, I questioned my happiness (which some of you will remember), wondering if it was true (because things that often seem too good to be true, usually are?) wondering if I was allowed to be so happy after so many years of unhappiness. I was constantly told "Yes you're allowed to be this happy! You deserve it!" but did I believe that? Not for a long, long time. We both thought we had to be careful lest we "jinx" it. We had both been unhappy for so long, so lonely and sad that neither one of us wanted to do anything or say anything that might ruin what we had.

I should point out that in the first 3 months of my 10 year situation, that man and I had more fights and arguments than D and I have had in an entire year. I was humiliated, privately as well as publicly, and made to feel as insignificant as the rock caught between the treads of your shoe. Although, the rock would have gotten more of a reaction.

D and I have had maybe one real fight, and no more than maybe a small handful of arguments. We know each other so well, we feed off of each other, we know when to back down and give the other some space and room to cool off. That's only one of the hundreds of things I love about him. He knows when to let me be. He doesn't shout at me, or shriek at me, or call me names or humiliate me. He gives me the freedom to be who I am, and he absolutely loves every single cell that makes up my mind and body. He thinks I am perfect, and I think the same of him. We connect.

So, as I sit here now, in my overbearingly hot native homeland of Australia, with my stomache swollen with life who will grace us with her presence in about 7 weeks time, my fiance at work in his airconditioned office, I can look back on this year that I've spent with him and know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I have never in my life been so happy or so in love. And I know it's only going to get better, if that's possible.

Here's to you, my love. May 2006 be as wonderful, if not more, than 2005.

And goodbye to 2005 - thank you for allowing me to have one hell of a ride!

So Much Present-y Goodness!

I feel like I've done so well this year in the present department, and that's probably because I have. Seriously. D and I set a budget for ourselves this year and vowed we would not go over it. We each had a set dollar amount we could spend on each other and while I thought it was generous (in the beginning), I quickly realized how pitiful it actually was and we both ended up over-spending; him alot moreso than me.

So, without any further ado, I'll rattle off all of my presents (or try to!).

From D
* Microsoft Ergonomic Keyboard (black)
* Teac 21" TV/DVD combo unit
* Revlon Holiday Makeup Kit + Travelling Case
* Russ Plushy Cow
* Russ Plushy Elephant
* Plushy Piglet
* The Simpsons Season 3
* "Simply Bill" recipe book by Bill Granger
* Vodafone v360 cellphone
* Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
* 3 boxes Lindt Chocolate
* Me, Myself & Irene dvd (which I'm exchanging)
* Black mousepad

From Mamala
* Toy kitty whose stomache goes up and down when batteries are plugged in
* Sterling Silver pink shell necklace
* Sterling Silver blue topaz toe ring

From Brother M
* Hot Shots 1 and 2 dvd

From Brother G
* The Matrix Trilogy dvd

From Tia
* Sterling Silver "Big Sis" pendant
* Sterling Silver Chain
* Me, Myself and Irene dvd

I know I'm probably forgetting stuff, but that's really all I can remember at this point. It's amazing I managed to remember that much, honestly. These days my brain is getting more and more shot (love you little parasite) which I think might also have something to do with the heat.

It's so stinking hot today, as it was yesterday but at least we had a little bit of cool breeze coming off the ocean at Mamala's. Here we don't have that luxury, but we do have a fan I've been parked in front of since we've come home, which has helped immensely. Well, that and the fact that the new TV came with a remote control so I don't have to get up and down off the couch anymore to change channels!! I didn't realize how much I missed having a tv remote (which I know sounds really sad and pathetic) until I didn't have one anymore but now do again.

Also, my throat is still wicked sore, and I'm still coughing, though not as much, and if it's not gone by Friday then when I go in to chat with my midwife, I'll see if she can do anything for me. It just seems too unusual to have a sore throat and chesty cough for almost 3 weeks now, though I understand something is going around...

And also I found out on the Friday just gone that my darling little parasite has the hiccups. I'd noticed this funky little pulsing movement before, but had no idea what the hell it was, until Mamala had her hand on my lower stomache, felt them for a bit and promptly told me that yes, indeed those are hiccups.

Since then, she's been hiccuping alot. Does that mean I need to drink more water? Or hold my breath more?

* * MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! * *

Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope all of you got what you wanted, and even more that you want what you've got.

I'm off to Mamala's for the day, and possibly until Boxing Day tomorrow, depending on the amount of alcohol that's consumed (by D, not me so much) but I'll be sure to come back and rattle off everything I scored this year.

Hope you all eat until bursting, sleep for abit, and then come back and eat some more!! Have a FANTASTIC DAY!!!!

'Twas the Night Before Christmas and all Through the House...

...All you can hear is me coughing, mixed with the sounds radiating from D's laptop. Even though we had our biweekly checkup at the Dr. yesterday, I mentioned my sore throat to him but failed to mention my deep, raspy, lung-expelling cough and as a result, have been coughing to no end and suffering with a sore, dry and itchy throat. At least he did look at my throat, but proclaimed nothing wrong with me, and sent me toddling about my way.

The baby is doing wonderfully. My uterus is about 33cm long now, and he listened to the heartbeat once again, although I only heard the placental swish. He's not nearly as thorough as my midwife, and I'm of two minds about this. On one hand, he probably knows what he's doing, being that he has two girls of his own, so he probably feels he doesn't need to be as thorough as my midwives, but on the other hand I feel like maybe he should be just a tad more interested. At least pretend, anyway.

We did end up speaking about my due date, though. The ladies at the hospital are more inclined to go with the EDD brought forth from my last period, which puts me at February 11th for delivery, instead of going with the ultrasound date of February 21st. Right in the beginning I thought this would be the best option anyway, going by the last period date, since that's just normally how things are calculated, but my Dr. thought that we should use the ultrasound date because evidently that was more accurate.

With that in mind, it has seemed all throughout my pregnancy that I've been "a little ahead of schedule" if we were going to stick with February 21st. It seems that my uterus size is right on target for a child due on February 11th, thus no longer making me "a little ahead of schedule" but "right on time".

Well, duh.

I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, Doc, but feel free to listen to me next time when I say, "Yes my period dates are accurate, yes I'm sure that was the first day of the last one, and no, I have no idea why I would have 2 false negative home pregnancy tests."

Anyway. It's the night before Christmas, and both D and I are terribly excited about it. We're going down to Mamalas early, and my older brother is making his famous waffles for breakfast (good god they're soooooo yummy) and we have enough food to literally drown (or suffocate) a small village. I can't wait! And yes, I'm terribly excited about opening up my presents, since D finished up his shopping for me yesterday and now almost all of his presents are sitting happily under the tree, thereby making it looking alot more full and rather festive. Part of me wants to tear into them now and rip them open, but a bigger part of me (more of the child part of me) is restraining the adult part of me with a huge amount of excitement and glee and general Christmas Spirit.

You can wait one more sleep, e!

Dreaming of ... Spiders Feasting?

I think I've decided that it's just because I'm pregnant that I'm having such weird dreams lately.

Again I woke up this morning after living through some freak thing in my head, but this time it mostly had things to do with makeup and the lack thereof, and how I couldn't get this one particular foundation I wanted (it was so light and smooth it felt like you were wearing nothing at all), and for some ungodly reason I had to go into some dressing room (read: a vertical box with a curtain over it) and get undressed to put this makeup on, but it was so worth it, except by the time I'd done all that and realized I wanted this foundation and lots of it, there was none left and the girl at the store had no idea when they'd be getting more in.

I have no idea what type of store it was either. All the makeup I was looking through were in handbags that were placed neatly on rows of shelves that were staggered throughout the store. Some things were left by themselves on the shelves, things like lotions and perfumes and such, but mostly all of the makeup was inside handbags, and only specific handbags at that.

I was looking through a particularly pink handbag, trying to find the foundation I so desperately wanted, when Mamala moseyed by and thrust a tube of something at me.

"Here," she says. "Try that."

It wasn't even foundation and I didn't want to try it, but I took it anyway and glanced skeptically at the tube, reading. I think I might have been reading ingredients or "How to Use" instructions, I'm not sure. But I do know that whatever it was I was holding, I wasn't interested in using. Quite possibly it was face moisturizer that was tinted since I recall the tube itself actually looked like the colour of the foundation I wanted.

So, I woke up and toddled off to the loo and as I came back to crawl back into bed beside my softly sleeping Canadian, I realized there was a brownish lump on my otherwise steel-grey carpet. I cocked my head and looked at it, curiously I might add, while squinting, trying to determine what this brownish lump actually was. It didn't seem to be moving all that well, and in the near darkness of the room (it was roughly 430am, and the sun was just beginning to bank) I couldn't tell what the hell it was.

"What are you doing babes?" came the muffled mumble of a sleepy man.

"There's something on the carpet," I said. "I don't know what it is."

"Let's see," he says, fully awake now, and comes around to my side, squats down, squints for a few minutes. Then he stands up and proclaims, "It's a spider."

"A spider?"

"Yeah. I'll get the mortein," he says and wanders out into the kitchen.

Meanwhile, I'm still sitting on the side of the bed (in just my unders because it was so freaking hot last night) still squinting and trying to see what the hell this brownish blob actually was. It wasn't that I disbelieved him, it was more like I wanted to see for myself what it was.

"What kind of spider do you think it is?" he asks, walking back into the room, the dawning sunlight dancing across his rippling shoulder muscles.

"I donno," I said. "I can't even see it." Squint, squint, squint. (Somehow I always think that squinting is going to actually HELP me see better but really, it doesn't, unless you're looking directly at the sun) "Turn on the light?"

Quietly and still wielding his can of mortein, he walks over to the wall and flips the light, (I squint some more) and meanders back, crouching down.

"Hmm," I murmur. "Looks like a Huntsman."

"Does it?"

"Yeah a little."

"Sorry spider," he says, preparing to spray.

"What's it doing?" I ask.

"Um," he pauses. "Looks like it's eating."

"Eating what?"

"A cockroach I think. Or maybe a grasshopper."

"Get your camera."

In hindsight, I think spraying this spider during a feed was probably the wrong thing to do. Somehow, now looking back on it, it seems a cruel and unusual punishment for a little being who was just hungry enough to come down off the wall or ceiling and feast on my bedroom carpet. I'm really sorry Charlotte.

It turns out that Charlotte had been feasting a moth, for which I now feel even worse over making D kill her. (Though in my defense, I didn't make him kill her, he volunteered) We've been having quite a moth problem for the last month or so, and we've yet to figure out a way to stop them coming back. Well. After this morning's little effort, I think I now know the way to stop them coming back... Only if we can manage to stop killing them.

The Icecream Man

Sounds abit foreboding, doesn't it? Like something Stephen King would write about, kind of like The Library Cops. Twisted story, that one.

Anyway, the icecream man just drove by in his little truck, playing his very warped music. Part of me wishes I'd run out there and bought up his stock, with all the cash I have on me, because I'm so very hot today. But you see, the more practical side of me is ever so glad I didn't, because really, who spends $70 on icecream?

* * Merry Christmas * *

I'm in the mood to be merry, so merry I shall be! It's a gorgeous day today, though already too warm for me and it's only going to get warmer, and probably to the overly-uncomfortable level. But we only have FOUR sleeps until Christmas Day and I am too excited about it.

It's my first Christmas with D, and I can't wait to wake up next to him and plant kisses all over his face and give him huge hugs and whisper how much I love him before we dive out of bed (not that I will be doing too much diving, you understand) and race into the lounge room (not that I will actually race, mind you) to unwrap our presents. I almost feel like a kid again and I'm LOVING it. If this is how I feel now, I can only imagine what it's going to be like when we have the baby next year, because by then she'll be about 10 months old. Good god, I'm going to have to really curb my spending next year - I can already foresee buying a whole bunch of things she won't even want.

But I digress. It's Christmas time, and I'm with everyone I love deeply and I'm back home and there's just NOTHING better than this! So, Merry Christmas and a Happy Hannukah and for those of you with bizarre religious beliefs or celebrate some other weird and wonderful holiday this December, make it a GREAT one!

Dreaming in Colour

I had a couple of odd dreams last night and early this morning. I also had a weird one the night before last, which involved a guy who was gay (and he was seriously very good looking) and I making out, and at some point I ended up grabbing hold of his ass just to feel it. It left me feeling... Unusual.

My first dream last night starred myself, my child (who was born a girl but became a boy), my Mamala and a bunch of other people I don't know. So it started off in the hospital, and I was there to actual birth the parasite... And there was absolutely no pain. None at all. Someone said to me that I was 8cm dialated and I should be feeling pain, but there wasn't any, and I was walking around and talking (and wearing a green tracksuit) like nothing was going on. Fade to black for about 2 seconds, and then merge from blackness to me being in the hospital bed, holding the baby and breastfeeding her a little bit.

Cut to a few months down the track now, and we're out and about somewhere, with Mamala I think but I'm not sure, and suddenly my baby isn't a girl anymore, but a fat little boy with a huge chin, huge forehead and button nose. He was really quite the ugliest thing I'd ever seen in my life, and all I kept thinking was This can't be my child, he's so ugly. Who on D's side of the family has such a big chin and forehead?? I couldn't figure it out.

But he was hungry, my boy, and there was nowhere for me to sit down because at this point we were outside on a hill, with a parking garage behind us that was completely full up, but there was some guy outside working on a red car and I needed to get home because someone had left me there promising me I'd get a ride with the guy fixing the car. That just wasn't the case. So, I'm wandering around wondering how I'm going to feed my son because I'd forgotten to wear a nursing bra that day, and also there was nowhere for me to sit down so I kept thinking, You can't breastfeed standing up! But then, due to his cries and wriggles and he was very heavy for a child of only a couple of months old (he was rather chubby actually) I lifted up my shirt and pulled up my bra and let him have at it. The funny thing was, he didn't drink for very long before he was done, and I remember thinking, I'm supposed to be leaking. They all told me when he was hungry I'd start leaking. How come I'm not leaking? So then, thinking that maybe I just didn't have enough milk in that side, I shifted him over to the other side and he drank for about a minute and was done. It never occurred to me that he shouldn't be so chubby if that's all he drank.

So, at that point, after the feeding, I called up Mamala on her cell, and I think she said she lived about ten minutes away and I was in tears when I asked her to come pick us up. She hemmed and hawed for a few minutes because she'd just gotten home from being out, and had just put her car in the garage but finally relented and said she'd be there in a few minutes to pick us up and drive us home.

I feel like I'm leaving so much of the dream out but I can only really remember it in bits and pieces. It's all very weird and unusual and I think even D was in the dream at various points, as well as my cousin Melissa.

* * * * *

The second dream I had involved me being at work at the ISP I once worked for back in Connecticut, USA. Almost all of the original people were there that I knew but the building had changed somewhat and in some cases, was entirely empty.

I was running around the building laughing, as though someone was chasing me even though nobody was. I ended up running through one side of the building to the other, looking for someone (I'll call him Leo) because I always spent time with him when I could. [I'll need to elaborate on that at some point, this dream often mixes reality within it and I'm not going to explain it here right now] I ended up running into a large room where a bunch of other coworkers were, and I asked, Have you guys seen Leo? At that moment he wandered in, looking exactly as I remembered him with one notable difference: He had long hair that was tied back into a ponytail and for some odd reason, that really suited him. (He usually wore his hair in a tight cut to his head, military style that was very, very hot)

He gave me a really big grin, as though he was over the moon to see me (we haven't spoken to one another in oh, probably three-four years or so now I guess) and we instantly started chatting and laughing the way we'd done when we were together. From there we were suddenly in "combat" and he was leading the pack of us, though I'm not really sure how many of 'us' there were. I do know there was a few of us, maybe 6 but maybe more, I don't really know, and I was holding some kind of plasma ray gun thingy. {It was very cool} We were stealth walking up some corridor which led out onto a wooden verandah type thing, and there were these almost invisible droppings falling from the sky; well I opened fire with my plasma gun thingy, holding down the trigger like you would hold it down on a machine gun, and just sprayed the general area in front of me.

Suddenly Leo shouts at me, telling me to open fire, to which I shout back that I am but they're not dying! They just keep coming and coming! And the once invisible things dropping from the sky are now coated in pink plasma that came from my gun, and I'm wondering why it turned pink when the lasers from my gun were clearly invisible. I think at that point I realized my gun was a dud...

...And I woke up. It was really, really odd. Wish I had a dream interpreter! Not that it matters, I suppose. I've read that pregnant ladies often have weird and wonderful dreams - but this is only the second time in 32 weeks that I've had dreams this bizarre.

Ah EverQuest, You Vile Temptress

"We've Reactivated Your Closed Everquest Account" is the headline I see when I open up my mailbox. Thinking it must be some kind of hoax, I read through it and find out that it is sincere, and that Sony (obviously in the Christmas Spirit) has decided to reactivate my EverQuest account for 21 days! Yes, that's right, 21 days. They couldn't quite make it 30 though, could they? That would be just too much to hope for given the FIVE years of loyalty I so willingly gave them.

That aside, I have multiple EverQuest accounts, so... Which one are they reactivating? Do I dare log in again only to find that it's the wrong account I've logged into, thereby charging up D's creditcard (cause I won't use mine, you see) for a month wherein I'll hardly play? Oh, but it's tempting! Yes, yes it is! If D ever went back to play, I'd be right there with him, you'd better believe it. That's highly unlikely though; he refuses to give money to Sony in whatever form, after they screwed him out of so much (via EverQuest) for 5 years. He's got a point there.

But, I truly do still miss the game. It's horrible. I no longer know anyone who plays regularly, and the companionship ingame is probably what I miss more than anything else. Though I really really miss my little Gnome ShadowKnight too.

Dear god, I'm reminiscing over a game. If that doesn't prove how much of a gamer I am, very little will.

Another Long Post Where I Squish Lots of Information In

Remember my sore throat I was complaining about? And my sore ear? And how it hurt when I swallowed and my teeth hurt due to the pressure in my sinuses? And then how I had to go to the Doctor and get some amoxicillan?

Well the sore throat is back. The coughing is back. The hurty-when-I-swallow is back. No earaches yet though, and no sinus pressure. I go back to the Doctor on Friday, and I'm not terribly sure what's going to be able to get done. Ideally I'd like a throat transplant - have those ever been successful? - and I'd rather not take any more drugs if I can help it. I'm pretty sure my Doctor wouldn't give me anything that would harm the baby, but then you never really can tell, can you? I'd just rather not take them if I can help it.

And in other baby-related news... Has anyone ever had a sore bellybutton during pregnancy? It's an odd sensation, and maybe has alot to do with the fact that I keep playing with it, but it just feels like it's poking into me from the inside. Or that something is poking into me from the inside. Yes, yes I'm sure it's the baby on more than one occasion, but sometimes it feels harder and more harsh than that. I don't know how to describe it. Almost like a cramp, I guess, when I lean forward and put pressure there.

So we're 32 weeks this week, and feeling more and more uncomfortable as the days go by. I wish I could just find a sitting position that was as comfortable as my laying positions. That's just not meant to be though, is it? And as the time draws near, I'll be even less comfortable then. It's all worth it though, as I lay on my bed and stare down at my little mountain and watch the alien beneath squirm and wriggle and do backflips and dips and somersaults. Honestly I can't tell you how COOL that looks, to actually see her physically moving around in there. I sometimes half wish that I had a transparent stomache.

D stayed home from work on Friday, and so he went Christmas shopping for me (Yay, so excited!!!) but I went along with him and we split up during the whole actual shopping process. I ended up purchasing him a couple more items while I was out (now really going over alotted budget) and sitting down for the rest of the time. Saturday we went out again because he wanted to pick up a few more items that weren't at the shopping center on Friday, so we went down the coast to an entirely different mall (Pacific Fair for those in the general area) where, by the time we arrived, I was literally drenched in sweat because it was so damned hot and we have no aircon in the car. The thing about this mall is that it's an indoor/outdoor mall, so unless you park undercover near Myers, then you'll be walking in the hot sun to get to the airconditioned part of the Mall. Which is what we did. And then I promptly found a chair, sat my ass down and waited for D to get his shopping done.

Only he didn't get it done at all. He was wondering around pricing items and looking for specific things and felt really bad that all I was doing was sitting on a bench inside waiting for him, and we ended up leaving, amidst my protests that he should stay and get the shopping done. He kept telling me, "No, I'll do it through the week on lunch." and things of that nature. I'm wondering if that's because some of the items he wants to buy me are so big that he couldn't possibly hide them from me while I'm with him. Since I like that vision so much, I'm going to stick with it and assume that's the real reason.

Also, it turns out I don't like Dory. We had fish'n chips at Mamala's last night, and I got some crumbed calamari and some chips, which were so yummeh, and because I wasn't sure what fish to buy, Mamala suggested Dory. It's really not that delicious in my opinion, so now I'll have to try a different fish the next time we eat that way. At least now I know, though.

We also picked up a turkey yesterday, though we didn't buy any stuffing mix or cranberry sauce yet. The turkey looks big enough, and I'm really hoping it's going to be. Mostly we'll end up having a cold platter, I think - the turkey, Mamala bought a ham, and she's buying a couple of chickens as well - and some prawns, plus all the salads we can eat. It should be awesome, and my brother is making his famous waffles on Christmas Morning for us all to enjoy. Just hearing about all this food really makes me wish I was still in my second trimester because I ate like a freaking FIEND and enjoyed every bit of it.

Now I can't eat nearly as much and it's not nearly as much fun anymore!

God I'm so excited about Christmas this year. I'm with my ultra fantastic, sweet, thoughtful, kind, considerate, extremely hot fiance, and I'm back home in Australia with my family where I've wanted to be for so many years now, AND in almost 8 short weeks, we'll have our wriggling, squirming, screaming bundle of joy here with us.

Best.Year.Ever.

Amalgamation

So it turns out the neighbours across the street aren't back afterall. It turns out they only came back for an afternoon to finish cleaning and mowing the lawn and deweeding the garden. The house is still quite empty.

The house to the left right of us finally sold, and so now we have new neighbours moving in there. They're as trashy as the neighbours to our left, I'm sad to say, though at least so far nobody from that vicinity has kicked a ball into our back yard. I'm still waiting on that, though.

Okay so I was gone for two days - I headed back down the coast on Sunday afternoon/evening to Mamala's House because I had my hospital appointment yesterday and we just figured it would be easier if I stayed over Sunday and Monday nights. That way, I could do D's Christams shopping on Monday without him bothering me about it. (He's terribly excited about the whole gift giving/receiving prospect this year) Of course, since he reads the site, I can't tell you what I got him.

I got everything I wanted to get for him, and went over our alotted budget by about $60. Of course he automatically thinks this now means he can run out and use the creditcard on spending for me, but after many emphatic No! comments, I think he will now refrain from that. My Canadian; he's such a kidder.

And in other Christmas-related news, we got our tree up and decorated last night. Now it's perfectly complete in all of it's purple and silver glory. It just looks awesome. Photos will come once I get them off my computer.

We're having our place inspected today by the realtors. I guess they come in every 3-4 months to make sure we're not ripping down walls and blowing up rooms and digging trenches in the backyard incase of charlie. (I know how we all fear that) For the last two days, D and my brother have gotten the place looking sparkling clean and in tiptop shape for it, and with the exception of last night's dinner (which I will clean up this morning) it still looks all fantastic and neat and tidy. I love when my house looks like this. Even the giant spacious tiled floors are mopped!

So like I mentioned earlier, I had my antenatal appointment yesterday at the Hospital and it went so well. For the longest time Mamala and I had thought we'd been hearing the baby's heartbeat but as it turns out, we'd only ever been hearing the placental swish. (This sounds like a helicopter taking off, minus the engine noise - the swish swish of the propellers) The first midwife I ever saw didn't bother correcting us on what we were hearing, and my very own Doctor didn't bother correcting us either. They both just let us assume the swishing sound was the baby's actual heartbeat. Not so true: The heartbeat, which we really did hear for real yesterday sounds more like a really fast paced tennis match, the sound you hear when the ball is being hit with the racket. It was so incredible to hear!

Her heartrate is at a very healthy, strong 148 beats per minute, she weighs approximately 4lbs right now, and is currently happily hanging out on the right side of my uterus in the breech position. The midwife I saw yesterday repeatedly told me not to worry about that, that the baby still has 6 weeks or so to turn herself and get her head down where it needs to be. I think I did tell her I wasn't worrying about it but she kept stressing that point anyway. She did say though, that if bubs hasn't turned by the point I'm in labour, they will do a ceasarian, but again she told me not to worry. Honestly, I really wasn't worrying about it. If she turns, she turns and if she doesn't, she doesn't; there's not much I can do about it. She'll be born however she wants to be.

I also ended up signing the forms stating she was to have her Vitamin K shot at birth, but that I am denying the HepB shots. In my opinion, that's not even remotely necessary and I'm not going to have it done. I'm probably not going to have it done within her first year either. Of course, I had to write on the form why I wasn't having her HepB shot, so I wrote, "I think it's silly." And I do.

So that's the recap of my last couple of days, eventful as they were. Today I'm not doing much, if anything at all, though shortly I'm going to have to go have a shower and get ready for the realtor to show up. Beyond that, I might just bum around reading and keeping cool and keeping my poor feetsies elevated. Alternatively, I can jump on WoW and level up my little cow warrior.

Storm inc, Buckle Down the House

Last night the sky turned green and ominous, and as thunder rumbled through the streets and lightning flashed evilly through the skies, I wondered just how big a golf ball really was, and whether or not I'd really get to see "golf ball sized hail". Of course, I didn't.

Living where we live, the hail always goes around us. We got some rain and some minor wind - minor in that the roof stayed put, but windy enough that my back patio screen doors flew wide open - and some more rain. In fact, the rain was coming down in sheets at one point, so then we had to run around and close windows.

Now, you must understand, at this point I was already hot and bothered and terribly uncomfortable.

(And as a digression, do you remember when you were a kid and people would say to you, "When I was your age..." and you always swore never to say that, but then ten years down the track you actually catch yourself saying it and think "Oh crap I just became THOSE people." Well I'm like that with my pregnancy. "When I was pregnant..." or "Because I'm pregnant..." or "Since I'm pregnant...." Well, you get the idea)

Being pregnant (haha!) I'm feeling the heat more and more than I would if I were a normal, prepregnancy human. So, being that yesterday was ALREADY hot and uncomfortable for me, regardless of how I tried cooling down, when we had to run around and close windows to prevent some floodage, it obviously became infinitely WARMER. And as a result, more unhappiness ensued.

Thankfully the storm passed within half an hour or so, and we were able to open up the windows again and breathe in the fresh scent of rained-on grass and asphalt. God it was good.

Oh, and in other news, it seems our neighbours across the street are back. I'm now wondering what exactly they were moving all of that furniture for, including beds and sheets and linens and towels etc., when they clearly weren't moving out at all? Sometimes I wish I was much much nosier.

It's Going to be a Scorcher Again Today, Folks! (35C and no Breezes)

I'm feeling alot more human today, thank god. I didn't wake up having coughing fits for most of last night, and this morning I've only had very minor coughing fits. It's been good.

Last night was a bear though - so hot and I was so uncomfortable. Once again, D and I found ourselves on the topic of purchasing an airconditioner, one that we're apparently going to look at this weekend somewhere, and if we can, layby it. I would like to scream WOOHOO at this, but mostly I'm going to remain quiet because I don't know if we'll actually GET AROUND to looking at airconditioners. He was more interested in telling me about the great Christmas decos at Myer and how the store near work is much better than the one in the Mall we usually frequent, and we should really go there this weekend to finish up the tree decorations.

God I love him.

In other news, it seems the neighbours across the street have moved out. While watching reruns of the Simpsons and Futurama last night, my brother and I watched as they piled all their things into a big Thrifty truck, 2 white cars, a truck with trailer behind it, and a small silver car. Shortly thereafter, they were gone and not to be seen since.

The question here, is why? My brother likes to think there was something wrong with the foundation and the house isn't structurally sound. On the other hand, he muses, it could very well be because too many people have complained about their Rotti jumping up on the fence, and hanging over said fence, in an attempt to eat whatever passersby happen to be...er, passing by at that moment.

Myself? I prefer to think they murdered someone on their lot, buried them in the backyard and are now immigrating to Mexico where they can't be extradited.

** edit: It's now 2:45pm and it's not nearly as hot as 35C. It's about 4 degrees cooler. In the shade. Which still makes it uncomfortably warm. At least for me. And for the construction guys across the road who felt the same way since they packed up and went home ages ago. Think I might go stand under a cold shower.

Browser Snob

Just wanted to point out for all my new readers (and boy it looks like there's a lot of you -- welcome!) that, in case you haven't noticed, the site looks like shit and doesn't render correctly in IE. I will tell you now that I absolutely HATE IE and will make no attempt to change the site layout so it does render correctly.

And you know you should be using Firefox anyway. ;)

A Feeling of Permenance

Still feeling crappy but not as crappy as I've been feeling. Slightly less crappy might be the technical term for it.

Was up again all last night, coughing up pieces of lung and keeping my soon-to-be-hubby awake, even though he was still a good sport and didn't make mention of it. Nor did he grumble and swear at me when I kept getting up to go potty, or to try and blow my nose. He's such a sweetheart.

And I must give him loads of love: he took his QLD drivers test yesterday and passed! With flying colours no less! I'm so happy for him, so proud of him! I had no idea he was even going to be taking it because he hadn't said anything. So then he also took his motorcycle license test and passed that too. I'm sure had he gone for his CDL, he would have passed it as well.

He's so psyched though and now feels a little more permenant. I know this is a good thing for him - for both of us, really. After all, like my brother pointed out last night:

Now you'll be able to get into strip clubs.

My Kingdom for an Airconditioner

My weekend was fruitful. Saturday we spent at the large ass mall close to where we live, and thank god we were there because it was so hot and the aircon was SO nice. We finished purchasing christmas gifts and came home, stopping at two of the pet shops to drool over the freaky little kittens who were playing and pouncing on each other. God how I wanted to take them home!

Sunday we headed out again, down the coast to Mamala's place, stopping at yet another mall to check out some rugs that were on sale, and to bask in the airconditioned goodness. Yes I really do miss airconditioning - I was so spoiled living in the states and Canada. Sigh. Anyway, we get to Mamala's and it's still fairly cool out, but of course I'm feeling miserable because of my cold/sinus thing.

Monday rolls around and we head down to the Doctors for me to have my 30wk check up. Let me tell you how wonderful it was to sit in the almost frosty waiting room, the lung hacking notwithstanding. We listened to the babys heartbeat, I got a referral to have a 3D ultrasound done in town (which I have yet to book) and then drove back home to pick up my sister and take her into work. Oh, and my Dr. determined I have a sinus infection and prescribed me some Amoxicillan. Yum. So now I'm taking that.

I can't even describe to you how hot yesterday was. It was even worse up at my place, because not being right on the water means no cool ocean breezes. Instead it was very dry, very humid and pushing about 37C (almost 100F). Oh, and no breeze to speak of. Last night was infinitely worse, but I did pull out the freestanding fan and put it in the bedroom, proceeded to have an almost-cold shower for about 20 mins and then lay down on the bed and read for about an hour before I finally fell asleep.

I didn't sleep well, but I didn't sleep badly either. Tossed and turned through the night and kept waking up with bouts of coughing fits. I think I woke D up every single time I went into these fitful spasms but he took it with utmost joy and love and this morning proclaimed me "very sexy" and proceeded to tell me just how much he loved me. (Honestly it must be love if he can look at me with puppy-dog adoring eyes while I'm dying of heat and stuffy nosedness and coughs that would make one think I needed to be in an iron lung)

Today I plan on doing very little, and probably spending most of the day in and out of a very cool shower, and in front of the fan. I may even nap alot today since it's going to be at least as hot as it was yesterday and I have no way of getting to the nearest mall for the airconditioning.

Let's hope we can find a smallish window sized one for the bedroom soon.

This is Where I Yank Out My Teeth, Like in That Stephen King Movie

I hate sinus pressure so much, and even more so when it's only on ONE side of my face. Still the left side, and it's aching so badly my teeth are killing me. I wanted to skewer a toothpick up into my gum to relieve the pressure but I haven't managed to do that yet. Think I'm going to just go the old standby route and take more paracetamol.

Before I ended up going to bed last night, I had D drop the CS into my ears again, and I put it up my nose, but I also ended up making up a warm salt drink and gargled that for a few minutes. Dear christ it was awful, but it seemed to have really helped. My throat is not anywhere near AS sore as it was yesterday... However, as I lay down last night, I applied Vicks to my throat (I read that you should rub it on your throat if it's sore) and now whatever it was in my head, seems to have plummeted straight to my chest. Awesome.

Now I just sound like I'm permanently trying to cough up a lung. FANtastic.

4D Ultrasound Images

Well if you live in Sydney or Melbourne (um, and are pregnant), I urge you to check into Early Image. They do 4D scans of your baby AND give you a copy AND put it on DVD or VHS for you! I did email them to see if they knew of anyplace that does this up in Brisbane or the Gold Coast area, but unfortunately they do not, and apparently they're the only company Australia-wide that specializes in these types of scans. (This is what they told me, anyway) They also said they're looking to open up an office in Brisbane next year so with some luck I'll have my next pregnancy well documented!!

Who's the Goose? Heh... Me!

Guess who jinxed herself completely by saying she was all better? Yeah yeah, I did. I was so fine yesterday too, but this morning? Oh god this morning, wicked sore throat, stuffed up nose and an earache that pitched down into my teeth. Only on my left side though. My whole left side felt like it was swollen so of course, I ambled out of bed and took some paracetamol, and ambled back to bed. I've taken more CS this morning (gargled, nose, ears) and my throat isn't as sore but it feels like maybe my tonsils are a little swollen. Wish I could see back there.

We had one hell of a storm last night. Thunder doesn't generally wake me up but it did very early this morning, I can tell you. I was jolted awake by a deep rolling booming sound that felt like it was right ontop of my roof, and for a moment I wondered if someone was actually up there. Then I realized it was just Zeus and ambled out of bed to check and make sure all the front windows were closed. They were, and I ambled back to bed again.

My dreams were very odd, to say the least. I know I don't remember them, or all of them anyway - one of them had to do with me making tea and ringing out the teabag before I threw it away. Another dream saw me playing EverQuest again but also failing horribly at it because I haven't played it in over a year. I know I had a couple more besides those two, and just can't put my finger on them.

Hope you guys are feeling better than I am today; I absolutely hate Summer colds.

First Day of Summer

It is you know. Today marks the first day of Summer, and I'm not sure if I'm happy or not. Part of me is, because this means really lovely hot weather, and in ordinary circumstances I would not complain about it, but... Well you know. But since being pregnant, blah blah blah. So, yeah, not sure if I'm happy or not that we're now officially into Summer.

In other news, I had the beginnings of a headcold on Tuesday. It just walked up and bitch slapped me in the side of the head, with no warning whatsoever. Nose was stuffy, throat was dry, sore and scratchy, and I just felt miserable. I wasn't going to let it get to me though, so that afternoon I ended gargling some Colloidal Silver and squirting some up the schnoz and in the ears. Did this for a couple of days, a few times a day and today I'm normal again, no stuffy nose, no sore throat, no aches or anything. God I love this stuff.

MiL rang last night, and I'm ashamed to admit I was rather nasty toward my love once he got off the phone. There was really no need to be, either. I didn't apologize to him - I was thinking that perhaps I should do so tonight when he gets home from work. I know why I was nasty, though I'm not sure I'm going to tell him why. I think maybe I'll just apologize and leave it at that.