Ryan Reynolds Has a Blog?!

Apparently Ryan Reynolds has his own blog. I think it's utter codswallop myself. This reminds me of the "Pitt Stop" which was a fake blog from years ago, supposedly from Brad Pitt. Christ it was funny, but of course Brad's army of lawyers decided that they were going to stop the guy from writing "Pitt Stop" because they felt the Bradster was being "slandered" or some such nonsense. So the site was pulled down, and I have never fully recovered.

In other, slightly more serious news, I know I'm not the only one who's desperately praying to Aliens to come save Kaite Holmes from the evil clutches of Tommy "the Tyrant" Cruise. (I just made that up, sounds clever doesn't it?) The latest and greatest is apparently he's just bought her an iPod and put calming music on it, so she has that to listen to as she's silently giving birth. (The Sun Online News Article)

Aside from the initial, "YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING!" cry, I honestly wonder what he's going to do if her voice does raise beyond a whisper, particularly at the crowning. (I'm assuming since she's not allowed to be loud, thus "traumatizing" the baby, she's also not allowed to have an epidural) They don't call it the Ring of Fire for nothing! It hurts like a ... like a ... it hurts alot. And how sweet of Tommy "the Tyrant" to already preload the stylish iPod with music of his choice, for his prisoner, for the birth of their his baby.

So I have a question... Is the baby allowed to cry and make noise? And how is that going to affect poor Katie's nerves? Oh right, right...they'll hire a nanny. Or...cheaper still, they can stock up on Whiskey, just like in the good ol' days - yeeeha!

Even though I probably sound it, I'm not jealous in the slightest that these celebs can hire people to raise their children. I will, however, admit to being INSANELY jealous because these same celebs have maids and servants and people to pick up after them; and I am supremely lazy.

Movies

We've recently been on a movie-watching kick for the past week and a half. We watched Flight Plan, with Jodie Foster and I have to say it was a really good movie! I was impressed, as I generally don't care for Jodie Foster movies.

D watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose but I didn't, since I thought it was going to be a scary movie. (Ever since being pregnant I can't watch scary movies for some reason) Turns out it wasn't so much, but he really liked it. Makes me want to rent it again and watch it myself.

More recently, as in today, I watched Red Eye which I found to be absolutely hilarious, though I'm sure that wasn't the intention of the people who wrote it. Actually I think it's supposed to be more of a thriller/drama thing, but at the end where she smacks his hand with the hockey bat? Priceless! Nearly wet myself laughing.

Tonight we're supposed to be watching The Village. I've never seen it because it didn't seem like something I'd be particularly interested in, even though I've heard such good things about it. I'm really hoping it doesn't turn out to be like the ulta loser Blair Witch.

Gifts!

One of my best friends sent me a package last week, and emailed me to tell me to be on the look out for it. She wouldn't tell me what it was, only that it was a surprise, and hoped I loved it.

Well. It came today. And it was a surprise. And I LOVE it!!

Isn't this absolutely beautiful? It's so soft and warm and I just know Kira's going to love it. I can't wait to wrap her up in it; it's a little too warm still at the moment, but the second it gets cold enough, I will have photos.

I love you B, thank you!!!!

In other news, StatCounter is AWESOME. If you're looking for a really good counter, I recommend this one. It logs the hits and keyword searches (which is what I was looking for) and holds them until you purge it. Oh, and it's free. You can't beat free.

Counter Mad

Anyone recommend a good counter? I'm using sitemeter and I think it mostly blows. I'd like a good counter that also tracks keyword searches - unfortunately blogpatrol doesn't keep the keyword searches longer than a week or so.

Six Week Check Up

Had our six week checkup today, and Kira is growing like a freaking WEED. I love it!

Weight: 4.8kg / 10lbs 5oz
Head Circumference: 38cm
Length: 62cm

Her overall health is absolutely perfect and we have no concerns whatsoever. Our doctor tells us she's a little bit above average on the chart, which of course we were just thrilled about. He's very happy with her weight gain and her overall health.

We have to go back in a couple of weeks for our first lot of shots, including a rubella shot for me. Trust me when I say I am not happy about having that done. It's going to hurt like a raped ape, and I really don't want to be apart of it though I do suppose it's a necessary evil.

Thank god Mamala will be with me when I'm having it all done though. In all reality, while I abhor needles, my pain won't nearly be as great as Kira's will be, and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I'm going to be crying because she's crying. And I just know she's going to have big fat tears rolling down her angelic little cheeks which is just going to make it so much worse.



Also, try as we might, we cannot get her to open her eyes for the passport photos we've been trying to get for the past few days. She just will not cooperate on any level. I think she's purposely frustrating us, (possibly thinking I'll show you, my pretties. Nobody makes ME open my eyes just because THEY want it") and I shall tell you why: We walk out of the Kodak place, and her eyes open. She's awake, for all intents and purposes. We walk back to the Kodak place? OH MY GOD SHE'S SLEEPING. Rinse and repeat x3. Now, while you're most likely sitting there thinking, "Oh erica, a 6 week old wouldn't be thinking that!" I'll tell you that you're wrong and because she's spawn of my evil loins, that is precisely what she'd be thinking. Possibly with added swear words. And some plot to assassinate some far distant liege.



Now don't be tough. I know even you couldn't resist this smile and would crumble like the twin towers under its supreme power.

I'm Wondering...

Why so many celebs look ghostly white in their photos? I keep wondering if the whole neo-goth look is back, and when I find out that it isn't, I feel confused.

So Many Little Things

If I'd have had Kira in the states, it would have been winter. I would have been able to rug her up in adorable little sweaters and pants and fluffy socks...but most importantly, HATS. I would have been able to put beanies on her teeny little head (that felt like the size of Krypton when it was coming out) and I could have bought said beanie from one of my favourite stores.

Being that I gave birth in sunny warm FREAKING HOT Australia, I couldn't very well layer on clothing and force my demonette to wear a beanie. (At least not yet) Instead, she was forced into wearing singlets and just her nappy, or singlets and a little pair of poofy baby-panties. Or just a nappy. Or one of those "onesie" romper things. And because of this, I got to see her bellybutton every time she moved. I got to see the rate at which her toenails grew. I got to see her little feet (which are 3.5" long at the moment) constantly. And I've never been happier to say I had my daughter in Summer.

But! Winter is coming. Not any time soon (omg, sidenote, the neighbours are cooking bacon and eggs ON THEIR BBQ and it's making my stomach rumble with hunger, and my mouth salivate Homer Simpson style), probably not for a couple of months, but still, it's coming and this means BEANIES! I will finally be able to put beanies on her head. Her Canadian Nanny has sent some to her so far, but her head's gotten much bigger than it was at birth, so none of them fit her now.

Oh, and while she was 52cm (20.5") at birth? She's now 61cm (24") long. At almost 6 weeks old. She's so long, and I can't tell you how much she weighs because at this point, I have no idea. 8.5lbs? 9lbs? No clue. Won't know until Tuesday when we go to our Doctor appointment for our 6 week check-up.

She's trying so hard to roll over now, and gets rather frustrated when she can't do it. She's smiling so much and attempting little giggles and laughs; her eye colour is lightening up as well, and they're starting to get gold through them so I think they'll end up being hazel coloured. Her fingernails have to be cut every couple of days because they're such razor sharp little talons; she was in the beginning stages of getting cradle cap the other day, so we cleared that up instantly with some baby oil and colloidal silver. (I mean instantly, her cradle cap was GONE the following day and hasn't returned)

She's such an amazing baby, I can't even tell you. She's sleeping anywhere from 4 - 7 hours through the night, and stays awake longer and longer through the day. When she's not awake through the day, she's napping on and off, and getting fed every 2.5 - 3 hours. I'll be honest here, and say that when she started waking for a feed only 2.5 hours after I put her to sleep, I was concerned. She had never done that before, and had always slept 4+ hours after her feedings, so this was quite new to me. But, I figured that she knew what she wanted, and she was hungry, so it was food she got. And it kept happening but only through the day. I've since come to the realization that she's going through a growth spurt.

It was, however, suggested that I start giving her cereals fairly soon, but I'm not sure I want to do that while she's so young. It's obviously not unheard of; I was eating farrex cereal when I was around her age (actually, I think we all were) and I know of other parents who have put their babies onto cereal at 6 weeks, even earlier. She's not losing weight or anything, infact I think she's gaining it quite well, so for now I'll keep feeding her every 2.5 - 3 hours and chat with the Doc on Tuesday. I'm pretty sure this is normal.

She's loving her tummy time more and more; yesterday Uncle G flipped her onto her stomach ad she propped herself up on her forearms, head up and eyes bright and alert as she looked around, grinning as she was seeing everything from an entirely new perspective. She had a great time, and managed to keep her head upright for a solid minute before lowering it to the ground and proceeding to suck on the floor quilt. She (apparently) loves sucking on her quilt, her spit/burp/drool rag, her arms, her wrists, her fists and my shoulder.

Also, it should be noted that she absolutely ADORES yanking on Daddy's chest hair. And scratching christ out of his nipples. Feel free to laugh uproariously at that; I do.

I Think I'm a Prude

...but I'm really not sure. I've always thought I had a rather open mind when it came to sex, however after yesterday, I'm not sure that's entirely the case anymore.

How do you react to someone telling you, that the daycare they send their three year old to, has an abundance of masturbating three year old girls during what's supposed to be their nap time? Apparently they feel safe and secure wrapped up in their little blankies, and just go to town.

The teachers, evidently, don't do anything because what can they say? Apparently they've tried stopping the girls from doing this kind of thing in public, but obviously to no avail.

After picking my mouth up off the floor, I said something about checking for video cameras set up in the room because that just doesn't sound right to me; and yes I know I'm paranoid. I'm also thinking if that were Kira in that daycare, I'd haul her ass out of there faster than you could blink.

It really makes me wonder about the integrity of the daycare center, but it makes me wonder more about the parents of these girls. If it starts in daycare, it's no bloody wonder eight year olds are having sex.

I guess what I'm wondering is, am I taking it way out of context? Am I a prude? Should I be more open minded about these sorts of things? Is this normal?

I'm Dreaming of You

Josh Holloway of LOST fame. It was a sexual dream. In that he and I had sex. I think it was good, I don't remember. I do remember that he kisses really very well.

So. It's official. I have three celebrity crushes at the moment (but this could change at any point in time).

1. Bruce Willis
2. Ryan Reynolds
3. Josh Holloway

I think I'm also crushing on Dr. House but I'm not positive so I can't include him in my list. I mean, I want to be crushing on him because he's just so off the wall and his sarcasm is unbelievably sexy. But, sometimes he annoys me, so I'm not certain. I think I'm like... 80% crushing on him.

Just thought you should know.

The Definition of Adorable:

Things That Make You Go, "WTF?!"

I know there are lots of things that make the average person utter the above phrase, and lord knows I utter it alot (though never around my wee demonette fo' sho') and tonight was no exception. I decided to log into my blogtracker account, and see what keywords we have this week, for attracting termites into the mound. They are thus:

1). giant blinkie dragon (Google)
Okay I can understand this. Everyone wants a giant blinkie dragon and evidently I either supply them, or know where to get them.

2). dermaveen dealership (Google)
Now, considering that DermaVeen (in Australia, anyway) is a moisturizer for sensitive and itchy skin, I cannot imagine why someone would want to know where the nearest dealership is. And would you even consider a moisturizer to have it's own dealership? Warehouse maybe, but dealership? Perhaps I'm just not hip to these things.

3). my contractions are 4mins apart (Google)
Honestly, if you're having contractions that are 4mins apart, WHY are you googling it? Why are you not at the hospital? Or at the very least, why haven't you called THE HOSPITAL? Perhaps even 911? (Or if you're Aussie, 000) Seriously. Google?!

4). menigicoccal vaccination site reaction (MSN)
Okay not sure why this brought up a hit to my site. I'm pretty sure I haven't talked about the menigicoccal vaccination yet, mostly due to the fact that my child hasn't been vaccinated. I can, however, tell you that my child will NOT be getting this particular vaccination, due in large part to the fact that shortly after my sister got it, she developed Ulcerative Colitis, ended up in excruciating pain for almost 2 years while they tried to "cure" her, and on top of that, because of her medications and her special diet, became very anorexic.

4). theraputic gerbil cleansing (Yahoo)
WTF?!

Oh Seven and We'll Watch Them Fall...

Stole this from SpuddyBuddy:

Seven Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
1. Go to Italy, Ireland and Greece
2. Own my own home
3. Give birth three more times
4. Have enough money (without saving all year) to take all 4 of my children to Disney World
5. Jump Ryan Reynolds
6. Go on a cruise
7. Jump Bruce Willis

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Cook
2. Park a car
3. Intentionally hurt an animal
4. Speak any other language
5. Lose my superstitions
6. Get drunk
7. Apologize easily

Seven Things That Attract Me to Blogging:
1. My own website
2. Being able to write whenever and whatever I want
3. Knowing that my online persona might be completely fake and you would never know it - mwahahah
4. I no longer have to physically (with pen and paper) write all this shit down; I can just type it
5. Knowing the handful of people who come here would totally miss me if I stopped writing
6. Knowing I can post pictures of my child from now until eternity and the handful of people would still return, if only in the hopes of never seeing my child again
7. The hope that I will convince more of my friends (even my demonic twin!) to start blogging once they realize how much fun it actually is

Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1. F* you
2. You know what I would like buy when we get some money?
3. I have to pee
4. I love you
5. Why are you awake? You're supposed to be sleeping
6. Go to sleep
7. Sleep, sleep... Poppies will put you to sleep...

Seven Books I Love:
1. The Langoliers, Stephen King
2. The Heaven Series, Virginia Andrews
3. The Harry Potter Series, JK Rowling
4. Most anything by John Saul
5. Most anything by Dean Koontz
6. The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe
7. The Pokey Little Puppy, Little Golden Books

Seven Movies I Watch Over and Over Again:
1. Ten Things I Hate About You
2. The Labyrinth
3. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
4. Titanic
5. Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom
6. Dude Where's My Car?
7. Anything with Bruce Willis

Seven People I Want to Join in:
At the risk of being insensitive to the entire handful of people who come here, I'm not going to list anyone's names. But DO fill this out in the comments area for me - if only to give me more comments. I'm a wannabe-comment-whore.

When I Say, "Good News Everyone!" You Have to Think of the Professor from Futurama Saying It

My knee is almost better. I almost don't look like some schlep moron with a twisted dance-walk thing going on. In related news, my neck is also better and I don't want to scream in agony when I turn to the right. Also, the lower right side of my back is now in cahoots with the lower left side of my back, and each side will have a spasm party at will.

The comfrey has settled all four parts of my wounded body rather well. Except for the random back spasm partying, that is. I can't explain to you how annoying it is to be in the midst of washing up the dishes (because I can't be ratted filling the dishwasher, I'm that lazy) when all of a sudden the lower left side of your back dives head first into a skewering painful spasm causing you to cringe into the left side of your body, hoping that it will alleviate the sudden onslaught of pain. Of course, in doing this, the lower right side of your back decides it is also going to jump on the spasm bandwagon, because god forbid it feels left out. So there you are, doing this funky cringe-hunched-over kind of motion, alternating between swaying from side to side and trying to do a full body wave in order to escape the pain somehow, in full view of the street because you have the garage door fully open, and the garage opens onto the kitchen which is where you currently are, attempting to wash the dishes in the sink because you're too damn lazy to load the dishwasher.

In non-related news, god bless the makers of those vibrating bouncer dealies that the kids seem to love. When we can't settle the wee lass, we chuck her in that thing, turn it on and she settles almost instantly. It must be the violent vibrations that cause her gums to chatter together, that she likes. I can't wait until she finds her voice and will sit there and hum to the vibration so it sounds funny.

Getting back to my dishwasher for a moment, D loaded it up tonight. A full load. On the tough-grime cycle. That has no bearing on what I'm about to say though, I just thought I'd tell you what cycle we usually have our dishwasher set on. Anyway, our dishwasher scares me. I say this because it happily begins its routine, gurgling and wooshing away, until it gets to the pause cycle. I'm not really sure why there is a pause cycle, but there is, and it pauses for a good 5-10 minutes. It's at this point that I realize the dishwasher is no longer loudly humming to itself, and I wander over to see if it's done. Of course, I should point out that it takes me about 5-10 minutes to realize that it's stopped making noise. So, off I toddle, over to the stainless steel contraption, and look at the dial. It's about that time that the dishwasher, as though sensing my presence, inwardly and very vocally belches and then does what I can only describe as a very loud but satisfying sigh, before the water rushes in and it continues through the rest of the dishwashing cycle. This always, always scares the everliving shit out of me. You would think that having lived here for six months, that I would be used to it, but I'm not. And each time that first belch happens, my body involuntarily convulses and my mouth involuntarily spasms into some funky shape that I cannot describe. The moral of this story? It's good to face your fears, and I fear the dishwasher.

Also, if you haven't seen Waiting... then you really should. I laughed my ass off during it, but it contains an assload of swearing so if that's not your bag baby, then I suggest not watching it. Also? I think I'm mildly in love with Ryan Reynolds...who was once engaged to Alanis Morisette?! I guess "You Oughta Know" wasn't written about him.

Walking Wounded

Let me tell you an amusing little incident that rendered me somewhat crippled last night. I say somewhat because I'm not wheelchair or bed bound, but oh lordy...

So, I shall pre-empt this by telling you we have 3 new additions to our family. These new additions are small and green and hop. Yes, we have 3 baby green frogs in our back yard (and evidently the garage as well).

Last night I was in the garage, and on my way back in. Kira was awake and hungry, and D was busy getting her bottle ready for her, when he and I almost collided as I entered the kitchen. He looks down, points between my feet and proclaims, "Ohhh!" which caused me to leap into the air (literally, yes I leapt like 2 feet) only to come crashing down on the hard, white tile. I landed on my feet, though as my feet touched the ground, something skewed with my left leg, and I jarred my knee, which sent pain skewering up to my hip the lower left side of my back.

Now. What was I jumping in hysteria from? Normally when things are pointed out around our house, they usually have 8 legs, are pretty big and quite hairy. This time? Four legs, green and terribly frightened. Yes, yes, I LEAPT two feet in the air over our little froglet. Thank christ I didn't squish him.

It's funny now. It was funny last night. I alternated between wanting to laugh and holding back tears of insurmountable pain. My entire body shook for about five minutes straight before I could even think about putting weight on that leg. Have you ever jarred your knee? It's really not very comfortable.

I thought by going to bed and relaxing that my knee may be better by today. Not so. In fact, through the night I kept waking up to the twinges of pain as I moved around. When Kira woke up for her early morning feed, I swung my legs out of bed, knee all a-twinge, spontaneously burst into tears (quiet sobs mind, so I didn't wake D) and fetched her from her bassinette to bring her into bed with me. It took almost a full minute for me to get her to my bed, and I was so sure my knee was going to give out and I would drop her, or fall on her. Obviously (and thankfully) I didn't.

Oh, and I also have a neck injury, it seems, on the right side of my neck. Pulled muscle? I'm not sure. All I know is that it's painful to turn my head to the right.

Mamala came up for a visit today with my sister and her boyfriend, and she brought with her a small jar of comfrey cream. She informed me over the phone this morning after I rang her to see if she had anything that would take swelling down (I don't have any deep heat, or lavender oil, or vinegar...) and she promised she'd bring up the comfrey when she came. And she made good on her promise.

Five minutes after walking through my door, she had the comfrey cream out and was applying it to my knee, and then to my neck. Within ten minutes of that, my knee felt worlds better and I was able to put pressure on it where I couldn't before. Not alot mind you, but at least now I don't have to walk with the left leg completely straight. At least I can bend it somewhat when I walk. And my neck doesn't twinge near as much either.

I still don't trust myself to hold Kira or walk around with her yet, not until the knee gets much better than what it's doing right now. Hopefully with the continual use of the comfrey cream, it'll be better in a few short days.

Wish me luck!

Addendum

I'm a little bit of a moron. A couple of planets shy of a universe. Yesterday when I was ranting about my experience at the health clinic, I completely forgot to talk about the whole pacifier/nipple-confusion thing that I had originally intended to talk about, thus the title of yesterdays post.

Quadruple Sigh.

I was using the wrong bottles, apparently. Well... okay, not necessarily the wrong bottle, but the wrong teat. I was using Avent bottles'n teats, when I should have been using the Pidgeon Peristaltic Nipple. This is to help remove nipple confusion, as this nipple actually mimics a real nipple. It's all very exciting in the world of silicone these days. So I rushed out and bought one. And Kira appears to like it better than the previous ones she'd been used to.

Also, I was told the dummy (pacifier) I was using, was the wrong one. I was using the Nuk Soother which apparently isn't the right one to be using. I should have been using the Cherry Soft Touch Pacifier made by Heinz. Okay, I'm an easygoing girl, so off I toddle down to the store to purchase this new and improved and amazing dummy.

Kira hates it.

Apparently this new and improved and amazing dummy, doesn't lead to nipple confusion like the rest do. I find this really hard to believe, because the dummy itself is almost shaped like a nipple, and when she sucks on it, she gets most upset that nothing is coming out, spits it and starts wailing up a storm. We give her back the dummy she'd been using, and she's happy as a clam. She knows that one doesn't produce anything, and is only there to provide comfort. She knows that one goes into her mouth when she's fussing, or when she's trying to fall asleep. She accepts it happily and will usually fall asleep with it before spitting it out (she really hates dummies in general).

So anyway, that was all supposed to have been put in yesterdays post, but rather than editing it, I felt the need to post it under a completely separate title. No doubt in a few months when I come back to search for this information, I'm going to wish I put it altogether in one post, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

In other news, Mum left us yesterday and headed home. Her two weeks with us were up, and she proclaimed we were doing a "wonderful job", jumped in the car and sped off, leaving only specks of dust in her wake. (Not true really, we don't have a dusty driveway) I cried when she left (freaking hormones!!) and then when I was trying to get a burp out of my wee life-like doll, I wandered into the room Mum had been sleeping in, and thus began crying again. (Hormonal party, all welcome) Uppers anyone?

Oh, and she turned three weeks old yesterday. Wow. Three weeks old! If I'm so amazed now that it's been three weeks already, what am I going to be like when it's been three years?