A Walk Down Memory Lane
Today is an interesting day for me - a push/pull of emotion in a way. Today is the exes birthday and marks 5 months since I left him; but also marks 5 gloriously happy months I've spent with D.
I got to thinking about my past, and everyone in it, and while I regret some of the friendships I've let go, I've come to ask myself some questions. I know I did what I did for the right reasons. I've read and reread logged conversations I've had with people over my actions, my decisions and am still very happy with the way I chose to handle them.
The ex has a habit of torching things from previous relationships: photos, clothes, papers, etc. Anything that reminds him of a former relationship/love. Anything painful. He claims it's theraputic and cleansing, though I have my own opinion about that. But to each their own. So, while I know of this habit, and even though he promised me he would never burn anything of mine, I know this to be a lie. I know he has, because that's the type of person he is. Anything that was mine, is now ash. It shouldn't bother me, but it does. It hurts to know the time we spent together meant nothing to him. That shouldn't bother me either, and yet it does. Why is this? Why does it hurt to know that any memories we had built together, he could just destroy without thought? What does that say about him?
I have many precious memories of him and I together that I look back on fondly. I have pictures, though not many, that I would never get rid of, or burn. I have gifts, letters, cards, jewellery. If I was to do what he has done, and burn everything he has ever given me, burn anything his Mother or his family has ever given me, what would that then say about me? And also, has anyone else done this? Is it as theraputic as I've been told it is?
2 comments:
My opinion: Nope, not theraputic. Just a knee-jerk reaction to the end of a relationship, and an immediate rush... soon followed by regret. That's what I've found anyway... I did it once after a very bad relationship, and I just felt small and petty afterwards. I think you're doing the right thing, holding the good times in your memory, and the gifts that came when things were good. The power of the bad memories will fade with time; and there's nothing wrong with revisiting the good ones now and then.
Again, just my opinion.
I've rid myself of certain things from previous relationships, on several occasions, but usually by my current partner's behest. Do I regret having done so? Yes, to an extent. There are things that I would like to have back, rather than just the memory thereof.
I've never gone so far as to literally burn anything, though—that's extreme. By doing that, you aren't merely ridding yourself of painful memories but hatefully destroying physical reminders of memories that you simply aren't going to forget. It's aggressive. And the person doing it probably wants to do more than just burn your belongings. I daresay the person is, in a sense, burning you, in a strange effigy.
Am I making any sense? :P
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