Random Conversation

"I'm so fucked up," she says, staring balefully at me.

"Why is that?" I ask.

"Because it's just a sex thing, right? That's pretty much all we agreed on."

"So?"

"So.." she's exasperated, like I should know her thoughts. "So now.. Well it feels like things are changing. In me."

"And?"

"And they shouldn't be. I mean, that only complicates things, right?"

I smile and shrug.

"Anyway," she says, ignoring my indifference, "I haven't said anything yet. And I'm not sure I'm going to. He thinks it's just a sex thing, so I'm not going to change it."

I nod pleasantly.

"I mean, I haven't slept with him yet and even though I want to, and am going to, part of me wants so much more. But I'm afraid to explore that and look at those feelings."

"Why?"

"Because what if it's something more than just sex? What if that something more turns into something wonderful? What if that something wonderful falls apart? I've just destroyed what was an incredible relationship."

My mind swims with this. "You know, someone once said to me.. 'Fuck the what-ifs. They only drag you down'."

She sighs deeply and looks at me. "Ok, then.. If I were you right now, what would you do?"

I chuckle at that moment, my eyes rolling. "Well that's the irony, isn't it? I'd do exactly what you're doing."