A Sense of Loss

I'm not going to do so well today, I think. I woke up fairly happy, came downstairs and started playing with Pepper, who was meticulously winding her tiny feline self around my ankles. I sat down on the carpeted steps and rubbed her back as vigorously as she let me, before I started thinking of my own kitties, and then my heart gave out as I realized (and not for the first time) how much I really, really, really miss them.

Particularly my kitten. Not that she was a kitten when I left her - she was as fully grown as her brother and sisters, but she is significantly smaller than them, and thus always referred to as the kitten, or "baby". Nevertheless, she was mine. And I miss her dreadfully. It's not enough to just look through the pictures and video footage to see her. I want to touch her and hold her, and kiss her tiny little head and hear her mewl at me again. I miss the fact that she used to jump on my lap as I sat at my computer, and try and wind her skinny little body through the crooks of my knees as I sat cross-legged. I miss that every morning when I got up and had to go potty, that she'd be there and launch herself up onto my lap, purring so loudly I was sure The Ex would hear her from the other room.

For some unexplainable reason, I'm very emotional. It started last night with WoW, actually. Someone called me an idiot, and I burst into tears. I lay in bed next to D, weeping quietly so he wouldn't hear me, and woke up this morning with puffy eyes. The tears came again when playing with Pepper, and again I shielded my face from him, but he knew, and gave me plenty of hugs.

I have no idea why I'm so emotional today, or last night. There's no reason to be, and over silly little things anyway.